Remember Him This Way
by V. Sourweather
Summary: Sirius is dead, and two people try to remember him by. [Written for Elizabeth]


_Summary:__ Sirius is dead, and two people try to remember him by._

_Rating:__ K+_

_Warning:__ Canonical character deaths_

_Disclaimer:__ I don't own anything, and everything belongs to J.K. Rowling. I don't make any money out of this story._

_.:._

_Written for __**Elizabeth**__ (__MoonytheMarauder1__), for the __**Monthly Exchange of July**__ on the HPFC._

_**Prompts chosen:**__ (pairing) RemusSirius, RemusTonks [platonic], (genre) hurt / comfort, angst, (dialogue) "I just can't let him go.", (phrase) Tomorrow is another day._

_Word count (without the A/N): 829 words_

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_**Remember Him This Way:**_** Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and Nymphadora Tonks**

Remus stood there, his eyes unseeing. Really, what was there to be seen? The grave of the man he'd always loved? No, he'd rather go back to the time he hated him, because he couldn't stand losing him as well and at least, back then, it hadn't hurt as much.

"Remus?"

Tonks's voice was gentle when she called his name, and everyone who knew her was aware that gentleness wasn't her forte. She was more of a strong woman who always spoke her mind, even when it made other people angry. A woman who loved to speak loud and clear, to laugh even louder, to make other people laugh… And all of these were the reasons why Remus had fallen in love with Sirius, once upon a time.

"I just can't let him go," he confessed to her. "Not again. And I hate myself for even thinking that it would be somewhat… easier if I still thought he was responsible for… everything that's happened to Lily and James. But I don't, and it just…"

"It hurts," Tonks continued after he trailed off. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I only found out he wasn't the man I thought he was a year ago, and I haven't really had time to… get to know him better."

Remus nodded in understanding. Unlike her, he remembered a time when everything was better, when they were all (and by that, he meant _all of them_, even Peter) still innocent, and when he and Sirius were still madly in love with each other.

War had happened, and like all wars, it had destroyed everything they had ever believed in. But Remus still wondered, to that day, how he could have believed that Sirius—Sirius, James's _best friend_—was responsible for James and Lily's deaths.

And Azkaban… Azkaban had been the final blow. When Sirius had come back, he'd been… changed. He wasn't as lively as before; the prison had taken something from him. But if he was honest with himself, Remus could say that he still loved him as much (or maybe more) than the first time. The truth was, they'd all changed into darker people; these were dark times after all.

"Was he… was he the man you remembered? From before Azkaban?" Tonks asked slowly, studying the grave as though she could see through it, see Sirius.

He hesitated before he answered. No, he wasn't—of course he wasn't. Azkaban was considered one of the darkest, roughest places in the world. Of course the Sirius he once knew couldn't have survived what he went through there.

Still, he told her the truth. "No. He was… darker."

She hummed and then tried to comfort him, putting her uninjured hand on his shoulder. "We've all become something else. It's a war, and war changes people… Even if I don't like to admit it, it changed me." (How could that be seen as a comfort? It just made it all worse, because she was right.)

"Did you see him as your cousin or as just another member of the Order?" he asked her, trying to make the conversation lighter.

"I—I don't know," she confessed again, her brows furrowing underneath strands of straw-coloured hair. "Like I said, I just didn't know him well enough."

"I felt like that too. It's strange, isn't it? How someone we've always known can become this… this stranger in the space of a decade?"

The ghost of a smile formed on her lips, and Remus surprised himself wondering if she was still thinking of Sirius and not of someone else.

"Did you love him?" she suddenly asked.

He opened his mouth to answer, but she continued before he could speak up. "I mean, did you love him as more than your friend?"

He considered her warily. He'd never been one to talk freely about his feelings, but it was Tonks asking and he just knew, in the deepest, most hidden parts of his heart, that it would be alright to tell her.

"Yes. How did you know?"

"Come on, Remus! The way you looked at him, and the way he looked back at you… It was clear within a second that you were still in love with each other, and Azkaban couldn't take _that_ away from him, so… That's something, right?"

"Yes," he agreed, and for the first time since Sirius had died, a smile appeared on his tired, weary face. "That's something."

He felt Tonks lace her fingers through his and he held her hand tight in his own. And they stayed like that, frozen in time, for God knew how long.

"Tomorrow is another day," she finally said. "Don't let it be ruined, okay?"

He didn't have time to respond before she walked away, her hair flowing down her back. And then he noticed the pink strands among the straw ones, and he smiled whole-heartedly. That, more than anything, gave him _hope_, and it was more than he'd had in a long time.


End file.
